It Doesn't Have to Be This Way: Part IV

Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human Relationships (especially during a crisis)

Today’s subject is addressed in a book “Loving Each Other” by Leo Buscaglia, (1984), published by SLACK Incorporated. Dr. Buscaglia died in 1998, but I’ve had this book since 1984, then long ago, helping me through one of the most challenging times of my life.


We are living in a time of crisis, internationally, nationally, all joined on one planet, by a single non-discriminating, un-emotional, invisible to the eye (microscopic) enemy completely out of our ‘control’. Other than our efforts to prevent catching it, sanitizing, masks, latex gloves, and “social distancing” attempts to minimize the risk of illness.

So how does this crisis impact most all of us, who typically have not spent 24 hours, 7 days a week, in our residences, with entire family (or maybe even friends) others in multi-family complexes close quarters, some in campers or motorhome recreational vehicles, for an extended period of time? How do we make this predicament a positive experience, getting past the issues and emotions of the day?

For many, relationships were already fragile, vulnerable, and ready to break. For others, the unity was based mostly of absence, less time spent in physical interactions of living, maybe just those few hours between work, school, sleep, average 16-20 hours, with perhaps less than 4-5 hours of quality time? Essential services personnel are overworked, overtired, and anxious about contagion and risks at home, & need peace, quiet, and time to regroup once they arrive home, another quandary.

Many situations, many factors—this book title materialized in mind…and so…

Dr. Buscaglia quoted Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way from moment to moment. It is impossible; it is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, or duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity --- in freedom.”

Within a chapter ‘The Study’, there is a survey of seven questions, a personal survey, that are worthy of self-study during in this COVID-19 event, especially for the ‘stay at home’ orders:

1. What do you consider to be your primary loving relationship?

2. What three qualities do you believe to be the most conducive to the continual development of love and growth in this relationship?

3. What three qualities do you believe are most destructive to a loving relationship?

4. What do you consider to be your major secondary relationship (parent, spouse, child, etc?)

5. What three qualities are the most conducive to helping these secondary relationships to last and grow?

6. What would be, for you, the ideal loving relationship?

7. What advice would you want to give, based upon your experience, to someone seriously entering/or staying in a primary loving relationship?

The purpose of the blog today is understanding ‘Mindfulness’, living in the moment, one day at a time, able to separate the emotional reactions (right brain) to challenging circumstances, connecting the focus to the logic side (left brain).

Complete the survey, possibly expand your answers by adding daily journaling about the emotional moments challenges and resolution. Even buy the book for more insight. These ‘wellness’ tools will assist you –connecting neuro-pathways in order to be less stressed and ‘brain balanced’, moving forward with your family.

Growing in wisdom, and making the most positive outcome of the challenge of COVID-19, loving each other (more) when it’s over.

The choices are clear, be part of the solution,

so it doesn’t have to continue this way.

We are going to help you, with the Blog plus

Total Wellness in of Trouble videos almost ready to post next week.


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